I had lunch with two women today. While that may not sound remarkable, it marks a milestone in life in Oxford and should be noted on calendars worldwide. After eight weeks with only husband as a companion, an hour of comfortable laughter and conversation with women is utopia.
This happened because I joined an elite club. This club has no budget, no resources, no building, not even a flag but it is a haven for partners of employees and students of Oxford, who find themselves in need of help. It was started four years ago with the ridiculously overstated mission that ‘people will work more effectively if their partners find satisfaction and fulfillment”. We can’t say “happy wife, happy life” because they could offend the LGBT or unwed employees.
The meetings take place at the University Club, where we stayed when we first arrived, so I know it well and the receptionist knew me when I walked in. And she immediately asked how my husband was, because she knew he wasn’t my partner and let me know she would always give us the best room, if we ever wanted to come back.
This group was remarkable. There were nearly 100 women ranging in age from twenties to eighties. As I struggled through the group and felt like I was networking through a fire hose, I realized we were all going through the same struggles: housing, isolation, “can you believe the banking system?”. The roar of conversation was deafening, as woman searched for new friends in the crowd.
As I get to know these women, I am startled by how accomplished they are; lawyers, nurses, writers, chemists, PhD’s, women at the top of their professions who put down their careers and left their countries to come to Oxford, to support their partner’s career. Yet, each one has the same story. They have come not just for their partner but because they believe that Oxford’s ancient stonework holds a golden ticket to their future career as well. The difference, for this group, is there is no job, no support, no college, no resources, just each other and their own resourcefulness. Coming together to share their strength, this is a group of brilliant accomplished women. They are incredible, admirable and I’m honored to be among them.
Going around the room, everyone is wearing a badge listing our name, when we leave, and our partner’s college affiliation or department. I met women affiliated with the colleges I stayed in and others I visited. Wadham, Keble, Christ Church, and then I met a few women from colleges I am told are very posh. They ask about my affiliation, it says Engineering Department. Should I tell them my husband changes the light bulbs?
